Iss 5 Bones pg 2

FOR THE LATINX RESEARCH CENTER, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY

Revista N’oj Issue 5: The Body, Spring 2023

Somehow, in the absence of breasts,

you thought your heart more visible.

…

And as your size diminished, and these parts crept onto the surface, men began to look at you differently.

For years this voice told you what he really wanted,

what he really hoped you would be.

And you dismissed her, told her to fold back behind romcom doors,

painted in thick brushes fairy tales of positivity and love and faithfulness, verses of a flame that, in your words, did not flicker.

For years you kept her all for yourself under that rug.

For years you were suspicious of the voice being right,

for years you fucked him without taking your clothes off.

And she is right:

It isn’t until this voice is all he can see

on your famished body

that he says look at how sexy you are,

let me fuck you

you look so much better now

Your famished body is fucked in a shower

and you finally feel sexy,

objectified.

…

In between your guts that are tightened like a noose—

their hands bloodied and fiery with friction—,

there is a little voice that whispers,

see? just stay still.

Don’t eat.

You would hear the rumbling of your gut:

her song, a lullaby to your organs;

she knew you only wanted to sleep.